She is in my trunk
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
