My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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