Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
