My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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