I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
