Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Four minutes until I can fart!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
