pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
