i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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