Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
