No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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