i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
