Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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