It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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