i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
