It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
