The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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