hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You're a waste of cheezeits
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize