Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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