I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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