we have officially mastered the walk of shame
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
