He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
