Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
