24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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