i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
why do cheetos always look like penises
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
