I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
