Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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