I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
