I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
