I think I am morally bankrupt
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
