We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
