He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
