Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
