Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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