You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
