So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
