A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
