i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm really busy with my period
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