i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
