when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
