The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i believe in u and ur pee
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
