Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my being single is dangerous.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
