I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
