My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
