He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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