Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
