the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
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