I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
it's great music for shaving your balls
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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