There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
