I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
