Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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