fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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