I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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