Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
