my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
