Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
